Please Don’t Split Up

14 November 2013

ECO found this letter in the waste bin next to Plenary 1. Can we help make this relationship work . . . ?

My dearest,

Since our winter holiday in Copenhagen, where you proposed our marriage, I feel that you have never stopped breaking your promises. All we do is talk, talk and talk some more – and yet, you still don't get it.  

You have to stop spending all your money on expensive cars and fancy jets, and start helping me and the family. This is the last straw.  I need reassurance that we have a future, that we will grow old together.

I need action rather than words. Tell me what the future will bring – you and I need a global roadmap to the 100 billion so I know you really mean what you promised. Don’t try to cheat on me; don’t make some private company fulfill your promises. It really should be all public money. Don't forget your promise to send an immediate check for our children's Adaptation Fund, and make sure you order that transfer to our GCF saving account by 2014. And finally, I really need you to commit at least 50% of our savings to be spent for adaptation.  

Look, darling, we really need to sort this out. If you do not get your act together now, I really don't think I can marry you in 2015.

Yours,
Nona N. Nexone